marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
