he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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