Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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