Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
