Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
