ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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