Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
