at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
