i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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