just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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