I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
