One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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