god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
