Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need a burrito and a hug.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
