Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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