i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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