I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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