i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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