I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
