Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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