I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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