and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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