drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
