So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
