I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
