ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
