broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
