Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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