the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
