New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
