Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize