Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
