I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
