were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need a beard to bite.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize