cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
