i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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