im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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