Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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