Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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