i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
