I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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