don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
