I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
