Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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