I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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