Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize