If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
