Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
