note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
