Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
