areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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