There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
