I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
