i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
