he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
