It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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