At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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