i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize