just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
