And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
