Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
