I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize