A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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