You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize