dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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