**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize