so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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