Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
