Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he thought i was a dude.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
