He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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