apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
