i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
