Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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