If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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