im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
