eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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