a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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