she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
