I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
