She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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