umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
