I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im part way to drunk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
