i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
