sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Randomize
