i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
