Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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