Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
