I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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