My sheets look like a crime scene.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize