i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
