You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
