He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
