when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
