I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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