Just cropdusted the office
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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