She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
