Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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