I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
