if you like me you must not know who I am
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize