I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
