So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
