Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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