No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
