I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
