He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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