when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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