it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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