having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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